Wed, Aug. 6th, 2008, 06:05 pm
As I'm sure many of you already know, I'm going to run for Mayor in Round Rock (or Pflugerville, if I move there [I must have residency of a year before being eligible to run]). At first, it started as a humorous "what if?", but i've come to realize that this is the type of country that we live in. It was founded by some of greatest men in the history of the world, whos insight and intelligence has had no equal since. They foresaw that even their own standards of the time would not always be. But before they were that, they started as men. The only way to greatness starts from nothingness. Even our own Bill of Rights was changed by a criminal seeking true Justice.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
They're not simply the words that sparked the greatest revolution of all time. It is the cry of practically every revolution and/or rebellion (depends on which side youre on) since they were first declared. But despite the civil liberties that have improved, since the Constitution and the Bill of Rights replaced the Articles of Confederation, we as a nation are allowing our elected leaders to validate the injustices that our greatest fathers had shed blood, sweat, and tears to fight. They did it to ensure their children would be of liberty, not ignorance.
"Give me Liberty, or give me Death!"
As history will display, many empires did not last as long as the American one has. It is for great reason. It is because in them, the people did not curb the power of those that shape the future. Our second amendment was added for a very specific reason. Our fathers had just fought the greatest revolution of all time and won against the largest empire of all time. They knew that there will always be a time when diplomacy fails, even against the ones we put into power. Simply because someone was elected into power does not mean they're the best. Some of the worst people in history did not force themselves into power, they were lifted into their power on top of the shoulders of the scared. Just because a person in power puts something into law, hardly means it is just. It is one of the greatest ironies that those who hate the violations of our liberties and rights also mean to eliminate the ability to be able to correct a wrong when it needs to be done. "Laws that forbid the carrying of arms ... disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes," said by one of our fathers and by one of our greatest presidents, "What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must from time to time be refreshed with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure." In a time of greatest need, it will not be resolved by songs and protest.
I believe that as people, we forget our cores. We tend to forget that rational and logical decisions are rarely made by frenzy and fad. Our own Constitution and Bill of Rights were not scribed overnight. The crimes and disasters committed by ourselves are not due to having Liberties that our fathers killed and died for. They were due to our cores. Before Americans, we are human. Before christians and muslims, we are human. Before black and white, we are nothing but human. There will always be a mistake made. Whether it is grand or minor, it is hardly an excuse to invalidate the efforts made by our fathers. The sins of few, should never affect the many; that is not Justice. Not every decision that will be made is simple. None will go without consequence. But the Pursuit of Happiness is not an unalienable right for no reason. A very great man once said that to give a man power is to truly test their character. And that very thing is something we as a people have been losing grip on. We are not Atlas. We cannot expect a single person to carry our world on their shoulders. As a society, we forget that we owe our freedoms to our Fathers. Not to a singular person. We forget that Congress came before President.
The greatest crime committed on to the United States of America, and thus onto ourselves, is the destruction of our own liberties. I believe at times, in the rational of fear, we want nothing else than to elevate someone who will bring us to security. It is in those times, that our democracy and rights will end. And they will end to thunderous applause. This is why I will become Mayor. I cannot guarantee a complete change, because that requires infinite power. That is something I intend to prevent. It may not be soon, but no mountain was ever climbed without grasping the first stone. No road has ever been built and traveled without difficulty. The greatest revolution of all time was started by firing the shot that was heard around the world, not be waiting for someone else to do it.
We did not trade "King George the 3rd for King George the 1st," as it would have been our greatest mistake. There are some things in history that do not change.
The days go by like street lights while driving down the highway. I watch them go by and I look at the mark they leave on the road I travel. Sometimes they go by quickly, almost without notice, while I am happy. Other times, it just feels like the road has been dark for too long and I just want to feel the light over my head again... Sometimes, the road is dangerous to travel on due to many reasons, and I wish I could just pull over and wait for it all to end but I have to keep going because I havent reached my destination yet... I remember, when I was younger and hadn't realized that one day my road would come to an end. I guess that was when my childhood ended. The day I realized that everyone comes to a stop eventually. Thats the worst feeling. Knowing that at anytime someone may hit you dead on or hit you directly from the side without you knowing... Everyone now and then, I see someone off to the distance who I have to reach for and that person will ride with me on this road for a while. But usually, that person would get off after traveling with me for a while. I think the preference of every driver is that they'll have someone to ride with them that will show them the street signs they missed and would take over the wheel when you just need to close your eyes and rest... With the days passing by like street lights in my eyes I can make out the different types of cars people drive. Some drive the ones that were practically given to them by rich parents. Other drive nice ones that they had to work for. Some have to drive the one the only one they could afford. Others drive the ones who just cant get any better kind. Some drive the kind that were doomed from the start. It's never a bad thing to drive foreign cars either... I remember how it used to feel, to not have to be the one with the street lights passing over my head while watching the road. I remember being able to lean my seat back and just watch the lights go by in heavenly bliss while someone else drove... But what the hell do I know? I don't even have my license yet.
Well then, it's been quite a while since I last updated. Not much has changed however. Though, the topic is the same, the circumstances are quite different.
It's only 17 days until it's been a year. I will have been with the same lovely girl for a year on the 27th. It's been a long distance relationship the entire time. We've always heard how long distance relationships are difficult, but we haven't truly been feeling the reasons why until lately. As it is now, we only see each other on weekends. Sometimes, only once for a few hours. During the week, the time we can talk on the phone is limited. While I understand many of the reasons why things are like this(transportation issues and phone availability), it is beginning to get to the point where that just isn't enough.
I mean seriously, try to put yourself in our shoes. Say there was a person that you cared very deeply for. Lets just say that that person was someone who makes you feel different than any other person has ever made you feel. Lets just say that that person would do anything for you on a whim and makes you happy just feeling their presence. But, what if someone said that you could only talk to that person for an hour, then couldn't talk to them for 1-2 hours later? Lets just say that when your with that person, you feel a weird way that you can hardly even describe. Lets just say that when your with that person, all your nightmares could come true but you would still be happy to just feel that electric aura come off from that person. But lets just say that you could only see that person once a week. Hell, that you were only *allowed* to see that person once a week. Not because your in trouble, that person is bad, or anything like that. But your only allowed to do that because of sheer laziness of others.
Yes, I fully understand that everyone isn't our chauffeur. But when it comes down to that you haven't seen that person in a week, someone is only asked to drive for twenty minutes but they refuse simply because they feel that seeing that person twice in one weekend is too much, then maybe your a little too hard headed. In case you missed that, that was a reference to Dad. It's no wonder I go to Mom's house every weekend. I'm not in trouble here, I'm quite comfortable and happy here in fact. But, when you've told me on several occasions that you think it's just wrong for me to see a person I truly care for twice in one weekend, then of course I'm not going to want to stick around. What's even worse is that why would I want to break up with her for a girl that's closer? Ya, Dad angrily suggested that to me earlier today and has jokingly suggested it several times in the past. Do I expect things to change? No. Because the problem with that is that I would have to convince two people that what I want to do isn't nearly as horrible as they like to say it is.
The underlying problem however, is that the unavailability we have for each other(even though we have no choice) is really starting to strain on us. Until one of us gets a car, it's probably going to stay like this. I know we can work through it though, there isn't a doubt in my mind. We've always been willing to compromise and sacrifice to make sure everything is ok. Sure we're both stubborn as all hell, but when it comes down to the point that the relationship may be in trouble, then you can expect all shields to drop faster than lead in water. I've been with this girl for a year now. Did you know that I told her I loved her after only three days of being together? Why did I do it? Because quite simply, I had never been so happy in my life before. Never. Not when Amber first kissed me. Not when Geneva and me had our thing. But I had a feeling of happiness so strong from just seeing Kelly that I felt like I was floating. As if the weight of my world had just disappeared. Not to mention the fact that two years prior, she had been my first love. While I admit that when I first told her I loved her I may have been wrong, but when I tell her I love her now, I know that it isn't just because all other couples tell that to the ones they kiss. This is a girl I have dreamed about over the years. She is somehow just the ideal girl I've always pictured in my head. I never fully knew it though until I got to know her better. It's quite simple to talk to somebody everyday for a year for 5+ hours a day and a feel much stronger connection for that person than you have for anybody else. As much as I talk about how I love her and how I know I do, which I truly do and I can further explain it and argue for it for hours, I have hardly talked about how I know she loves me. Well it too is quite simple, everything I've said could practically be mirrored. Just the way she says my name I can tell that she loves me. The fact that she has done more for me in the year we've been together than some of my siblings have in my entire life should be another obvious reason. It's not that she is like that to everyone, she really isn't, it's that the sound of my voice, the sight of my eyes, and the touch of my skin makes her heart beat in a rhythm that is only heard behind the bosom of a bride. Like the original alliteration? She makes me feel good about myself as well. I haven't exactly been the receiver of compliments my entire life like alot of people have. Without a doubt, she has seen and vocalized a beauty in me that I never thought existed. This is a girl I can spend hours with, happily, without saying a word. Here's the girl that has changed me more in the year we've been together than my own family has in the years I've lived. When I start to build my future, she's the main component. Call it dumb, call it luck, call it love, or whatever you call it but everywhere I go I keep her picture in my wallet like here. Here's a shocker I bet no one saw coming. Here's a little tid bit of info I know I'm going to receive fire for. Wanna know something that has been unknown to everyone in the family? Hell, her mom knows but ya'll dont. Even though there is not date set in stone, we're officially engaged.
Fast, I know. Young, I've heard it. Stupid, maybe. I've heard every last bit of argument from every last person that we've told. Well, not everyone. A lot of people have been really supportive. With married people now being minorities, perhaps those that do marry are the people who are truly in love. Can I say that I love her the same way Marty loves Lesa? No, I wouldn't even try. Can I say that I love her the same way Ruben loves Mom? Nope, not gunna say it. Why? Because everybody is different. Love isn't a textbook feeling. Love for another person is different to everyone. While it is true that most marriages end in divorce and people say that high school sweethearts never last, her and I are very much different from the norm. Anyone that knows us can testify to that(Marty knows exactly what I'm talking about, but lets keep that info confidential). But thats only one example of how we're different from most. I could go on for hours on what sets us apart. The long distance, the excellent communication, the willingness to make everything work, and the heavy reliance we have on each other are just the tip of the iceberg.
Either way, I have force fed text into your brain and have gotten away with it.
Lets see how much I can get done in an hour and a half. I apologive in advance for any errors of any kind, I have a feeling I'll be far too lazy to go back and read through all this and clean it up. Now then, where to begin.
Ah yes, Marty. His wedding is coming up soon. Less than a week away. Everyone is all skittery and excited, preparing for it almost every day. But, what do I think about it? Well, I spent almost $100 on new shirt, pants, and shoes for it. I plan on giving him a gift he wont soon forget. Also I plan on making sure that gift will make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Honestly, I am quite happy for my brother. It is really good to see that he has found someone he loves and that loves him back. It's good to know he is going to live his days with a person that is going to make him happy. My dear brother has deserved such a reward. It's been a long and painful wait for the little tyke but I'm happy that it has finally come. I can't think of a better person for the guy. Good job, bro. Expect a gift you've never recieved on saturday. I can guarantee it will be like no other you've ever recieved and ever will receive. Yes, it's that damn cool. I've been waiting to give it to you for many years now. I've been waiting for your wedding date to give it to you, and that day will soon come to be.
And now, something I should probably clarify for quite a few people. My own love life that is. Yes yes, Kelly and I. I'm sure alot of people rolled their eyes when they heard me and her were back together again. Some people got the misconception that it it an on-again-off-again relationship. Over spring break, yes alot of bad things did happen but it was a very confusing moment and her and I try to not even think about it anymore. In the 2 months we stopped talking, we both came to a startling realization; neither of us remembers what happiness is anymore. It is very difficult to talk to a person for hours a day, everyday, for 4 months without feeling a great absence. We were the first voice in the morning for each other. The last voice at night is of each other. She became the person to say to me, "sweet dreams." I was the person who said to her, "good morning, sleepy head." Sure we didnt talk for two months, but we've been together for almost 8 besides that. And everyday we heard a loving voice that was heard from no other. I can't expect for anyone to believe that what we have is real. Our age sure is quite a obstacle in that goal. But you dont talk to a single person for 12 hours a day, everyday for 8 months and not fall in love with them. It would be pretty fucking hard to not have feeling of more than just romance with a person that shows an unwavering emotion that no other has shown as intensely. We've both been through quite a bit together, and we've both changed quite a bit since we've been together. I know that as fact. I can say all I want about a girl no one knows like I do, but I know it would be impossible for me to say the words that would show the love, yes love, for a person that has changed my life and is continuing to do so. I know that there will never be enough words or actions that will show how I am ready to spend the rest of my life with a person I feel like I've known all my life. I love her. Unforunetly we're both young so we have our whole lives ahead. But we've both agreed that we have accepted as fact that we want to spend the rest of it together.
Soon, as in a few hours, I will return to Dad's house and begin my school year. Hopefully it will be my last. Though I am sure I will be a summer school graduate, I hardly care because I am graduating much much sooner than I had previously thought. Going to have a helluva hard first semester, may not have much free time but oh wells. I also need to get a job, and yes I am actually looking. Though I admit, I am not looking very hard. After high school, I plan on becoming a fire fighter. Not too unrealistic of a goal I dont think, but I know it is what I want to do with my life. I want to help people on a daily basis in any way I can. I do not want to be in the Marines. I do not want to be a cop. I do no want to do a job that I will resent when I am 50. I want to risk life and limb for a person I do not know. I want to come home exhausted and tired from an underpaid and underappreciated career. I want to be a fire fighter. Not sure which station I want to work at. Cedar Park, Round Rock, Austin, Pflugerville are the areas I want to work in. Preferably closer to Austin, downtown. But whatevs, I aint too picky.
And if you read all that, good for you and find something better to do. You must be bored out of your mind. Oh, and comment. It is such a drag to make long ass updates once a month and only get one comment from one person. You guys are teh suck..... G'night
Fri, Jul. 28th, 2006, 07:10 pm
Do you wish you didn't have to go to that house? The house where you close your eyes every night until the morning? The house where you staighten your clothes, bite your tongue, and wait until your walking away from it? Do you want to go to a place far, far away where you walk up to the door thats your own and you don't have to worry about what people think? Want to go to a place where all that matters is the now, not five minutes ago or an hour from now? Want to go to a place where no one thinks anything bad of you? A place where you can dream and dream and no one will make fun of you about it and laugh at you and your dream. Want to go to a place where you can lie down and nothing bad will happen as long as you keep loving and loving? Because thats all you truly want isn't it? To love, be loved, love a job, love a food, love a movie, love someone completely who will love you forever and ever until the night the stars quit shining and love you some more? Well just keep holding my hand because I promise I'll take you to that place one day. Just keep holding on forever and never let go. I'll take you to the place where I know I can't find without you.
I've come to see that causing pain is a habit. At time I say things I dont mean or that I shouldnt say but i cant stop myself because theres just that small satisfaction that everyone feels when you get that one line out that hurts a person you love. Its like the bittersweet revenge that lingers on the tip of your tongue till youre able to say it. As if you've been waiting since the moment you felt the need, and that the longer you wait the more you want to say it. I, and every other human, has said things to a loved one that I know would hurt her. It's used as ammo in a gun that shouldnt be fired anymore. The words that drop from our mouths in argument hurts enough simply becaue of who that tone is coming from. Also, it seems like ever since I was young and got into arguments I would hate them furiously. I couldnt stand the raised voices and the burning in people's eyes when they yelled at a person they loved. I stand head high, shoulders up, chest out and I handle it. I stand with the posture of a adamant liege with eyes as straight forward as a hawks. But even I can admit that no matter what words said or actions done, and no matter how strong my body can be, I know that my mind and soul aches every time I am forced to defend something I know of as right against a person who knows that I am wrong. Arguments with a loved one are always bitter struggles with a person you want to always be there. And with every hurtful word you say, you pray they will forgive you later and know no matter what mean thing said, it was all in anger and frustration. And there never is a real victor in an argument with a person you love. It's alot like war, the winner is whoever has the least amount of casualities. And so, in reflection and refinement, I apologize.
I'm in need of envelopes, stamps, paper, pens, and munee.
I demand soda, mousse, a taxi, and some new clothes.
But aside from all that, how bout my semi-demi-kinda-not really-annual-monthly update of reading for all of you and the little pink squish behind your eyes.
I've been feeling quite hypocritical lately. Like the things I've always tried to turn my eyes against, have started to be the things making them look in ways they havent before. Revenge and resentment seeping out of tested patience and love. The things I've tried to forgive that when recalled to the culprit gets me feeling anger and resentment when I know the guilty party has felt enough guilt for what they have done. To hurt the person that cares most about you, and you care most about, for reasons that made no sense can really drive a person crazy. And I felt guilt for when I finally unleashed the anger and resentment on the person weeks after the events have been resolved. Unresolved memories, boiling fury that you kept inside you so that you would not explode. For every night that your eyes held the burning cinders that person through in, you would say something you knew would hurt them. They felt guilt, but they did not know your pain and suffering you felt that caused that guilt. And when you had that moment, you let forth the caged anger you reserved from them. But now that its out, there is no more qualm you have. No more need to make that person feel pain. But, was it really needed in the first place? Why do people tend to react to pain by shedding it onto the person that caused it. Forgiveness is a hard concept to truly follow by. But yet, some people do not deserve it. Some people do not understand that forgiveness can only go so far. That wronging a person so often and so much will breed hatred despite any happiness that person had brought you or the people you love.
I am extraordinarily happy. It is a wierd feeling really, to be this happy. I do not think I've ever been this happy. Its almost like a happiness high, like I have this floating feeling and my mind is flooded with only happy thoughts.
In other news, I decided what I want for a tattoo. I wanna get a bouquet of roses on my right arm. Most off the roses will be dark red/black, as if they are dead or dying. But one rose, in the front center, will be bright red. As well as a small violet next to it. It sounds pretty gay, I know, but it has deeper meaning and the idea I have in my head looks pretty fucking awesome.
Sat, May. 27th, 2006, 08:59 pm
Well the times are catching up. Past and future are begining to mesh together and collide. Being able to see my past worries and fears slowly drift off is a wonderful thing. Seeing them come into shape is also quite demoralizing. Though, some things I've been wanting to do for a long time will now have their opportunity to arise. Just thinking about them makes a cold shiver send throughout my body. I can feel my heart beating faster seeing an opportunity arise that I've been waiting for for a long time. Though, past is also making future difficult. Some painful mind-scars from the past are making the future bleed faster than it should. I can close my eyes easier these days, when the last tendrils of light no longer flood my eyes I do not see the scars from the past as often. When my eyes open, and my eyes are blinded from the light, I do not wonder what will happen in my day that I will want to become past. It is strange actually, I do not remember much from my deep past. My childhood memories are all only fragments, and few are good ones at that. They have left me scarred and are continuing to bleed me. My past has made me fucking crazy, most of you know what I'm talking about, it has turned me into quite a strange individual. At times I feel like my very existence is contradictory. Within the past year or so, my memories have become more pleasant, however. They have made my future brighter and clearer, the good and bad memories. It is strange, how painful some of my memories are, and how grateful I am that they happened. I do not know if I would change any of them. The past has scarred me and hurt me, but they have made my future happier. I wonder if thats some sort of deep psychological masochism.
Wed, May. 24th, 2006, 05:43 pm
Only two days of school! Then, 2 weeks of summer before 3 weeks of school!! And then, another week of summer!! And then, another 3 weeks of school!! Damn, where did the summer go?